My God, has it been a Month?!

The teasing, mercurial weather-makers here! The day will dawn sunny, rain ten times before noon, then blossom as a gorgeous midday before deteriorating into a torrential afternoon downpour that clears for a stunning sunset to offset the full-on evening storm. My window is coated with sheets of water as rain blows sideways and whips around the house. It makes for a melancholy night, particularly given the oppressive continuing chill, offset by a candle on my desk and Pavarotti singing through iTunes. My roommate calls this season of unpredictable, frustrating, moody, and evocative weather "the female days."

The funniest anecdote of the week explains how I got two holes ripped into the seat of my favorite jeans. A few evenings ago, I spent the night on the couch at a friend's house. I woke up to find the house empty. My friends had all departed for work, locking the doors behind them. In a brilliant feat of fire-escape-prevention, whoever did the doors on the house installed deadbolts that require keys to unlock. Inside and out. The screen door? That too required a key. So, I opened every window in the house (upstairs and downstairs... not sure how the upstairs was going to help me) looking for one that opened wide enough for my head to fit through. The best I got was one of those crank-open things that creates a jaunty angle between the brick mantle outside and the interior window frame, which was about four feet off the ground. If successful, I would be standing in a flower bed in the front yard. If unsuccessful, I'd be a good story for the local fireman, and my back would be contorted in a brand new way. Ten inches to make my escape. I tried calling all three members of the household, but they were at work, forty-five minutes passed, and I needed to get to class.

The scene that ensued is eminently qualified for YouTube. After taking out the window screen, I took off all excess layers of clothing, did some rudimentary "I'm about this wide" measuring, and tossed my belongings outside in hopes it wouldn't start raining before I was able to collect them. I rockclimbed up onto the ledge, and--feet first--started to slide out towards freedom. I got stuck at the hips. I wasn't too big, mind you... it's just that between the odd muscle contracting (stabilizers engaged), and the sort of wedging of ass-cheek and pelvic bone while doing a full back bend and trying to support my upper body without pulling the top window down on myself... well, I was a little cramped. It was nothing that a little wiggling and thrusting and cursing couldn't supersede. Boobs got stuck too. That just took some jamming and gradual stuffing- inside to outside, like a medieval mammogram. And then I just did the limbo out the rest of the way, nicking the chin only enough to jerk my head back and whack it into the brick behind me. Freedom! And torn jeans! I do wish someone had taken a video so I could apply for my dream job with the Cirque du Soleil.

The rain outside has stopped. Stars are out... for now.