The hills are alive...

Today I took advantage of some gorgeous sunny weather to go for a stroll in the Adelaide Hills, past farms that roll along grassy knolls, and cows that seemed as happy as I for the warm morning.  I was mostly avoiding some pressing commitments, but I'm sure some philosophers would have been on my side.  Leisure is not idleness.  And this little jaunt was planned and unexecuted many weeks ago, left unfulfilled for long enough that I got antsy.

And yes, I did sing... Julie Andrews ain't got nothing on me.

Who needs Scotland?

There's nothing like a lovely walk to get the mind reflecting on things.  My thoughts this morning spanned the usual crazy gamut, pondering, pondering... The last year has been a veritable roller-coaster, just when I was starting to feel like I'd gotten a handle on it all!  There's certainly plenty of moments to rehash and analyze.

Rumination is the thinking man's curse, only slightly less gnawing than regret.  And I suppose regret is the worst feeling one can endure, if one lets it fester too deeply.  I've generally thought it best to act and live with the consequences than refrain and live with the questions.  But there are those who disagree with me, and as I grow older I am trying to understand and practice that difficult thing known as restraint.  There's a strange, deep satisfaction in delaying gratification and mastering ones' emotions.  The British are much better at all this than we rash Americans.  Discipline or regret... our wild little souls suffer either way.  Stiff upper lip!

I had a lovely chat with an old college friend (thanks to the earth-linking power of Skype!) who got on the subject of time vs. commitment.  We agreed that as Americans, and particularly as products of a liberal arts education which forced us to think broadly and quickly, we are not well-suited for being static.  Both he and I now find ourselves in the early stages of quasi-adulthood living for the first time in places where we are responsible to communities.  What a difference this permanence makes!  Suddenly Band-Aids aren't solutions and problems don't disappear with a new wave of people.  We must cultivate and nurture, and grow ourselves.  It's a new challenge, but the long-term reward is immense.  I, for one, am loving the sensation that I'm working for something larger and longer lasting than myself.  The question is no longer "if" I want to buy in.... but "how" and "where."

Which circles me back to the subject of discipline, because only with measured actions can we hope to withstand time and trials.  It's uncommon that I feel regretful about paths not taken... more often I lament things I did that I should not have done!  Quick judgment leads to bad decisions, which lead to regret in the end.
In the end I think regret vs. discipline must be a balancing act.  There is a time for impulse and spontaneity... quick action and unfiltered words are sometimes the only thing that will do.  They come from the heart, and that counts for something.  Perhaps the trick is to be in complete control of one's thoughts at all times... that way whatever slips out in the spur of the moment is representative of the whole rather than a momentary spasm of emotion. 
Master thoughts and emotions... sounds very Buddhist, no?  I think perhaps I should go back to the Hills and contemplate some more.